I'm about to get a haircut but I'm not sending pictures either way as lockdown has increased Reg size. Not massively, but to the extent I don't want to post pictures.

There is a police warrant oot for my sideys jfc



Frantically searching reputable barbers booking lists for a slot.

The shitlord hat maybe emphasises it

I'm delivering nothing I'm a porter fs

Should book an appointment then.

Best not to kick off right before someone is about to cut your hair.

It’s true. Originally he was called cougarsgogrrr until a pissed off barber forced a name change.

5 years of working with barbers has given me a pretty good understanding of the key things to avoid if you don't want to become one of the annoying or problem customers, not just in the eyes of whoever cuts your hair at the time, but to everyone who works there, because they do share all this info with each other and you will get roasted behind the scenes. So:

- Don't ask how long they will be when they are anything less than 15 minutes behind. naturally there are situations that warrant it, but don't be that guy who is known for doing it
- following from the above point, if you must check your watch while waiting, don't do it in an exaggerated or overblown fashion to try and draw attention to the inconvenience you are facing
- don't ever talk about property portfolios, second homes, how cheap the rent is one your fancy house/apartment, or anything that seems like a financial flex
- don't ever pick up or touch their tools
- when the cut has just started, don't lean forwards, forcing them to stop, turn your head sideways and start inspecting the work in the mirror with a look that says 'are you sure you know what you're doing?' across your face
- don't ask for a scissor cut fade
- while not ideal, asking to take off more length nearer the end of the allocated time slot is fine. But don't ever do it twice. 
- Picture the scene. You've arrived late, and the barber says he can't fit you in. Definitely don't try to liken it to the time you had to wait even longer for the barber to finish. The situations don't compare.
- following from the above scenario, don't then argue that your haircut 'only takes a few minutes' in an attempt to convince them. this also applies when you try to schedule a walk-in appt
- never complain about any of their co-workers. maybe you didn't like your previous cut by someone else the last time, and that's fine, but def don't start making statements about how 'the last guy didn't have any idea what he was doing'. 
- don't fuck around on your phone during the cut
- when told you're next in the chair, head straight over. if you're in a phone call, end it immediately. few things piss off staff faster than a customer choosing to hold things up
- keep in mind lots of barbers will get a bonus dependent on how busy they are. So a fully booked barber might get £3 per hour more for that day than they would when a single slot is remains untaken. So if you cancel at the last minute they will see that as money out their pocket. Obviously this can't be helped sometimes, but when it happens more than once they won't forget it. 
- don't complain about whatever music they are playing
- try not to be that one annoying cunt customer who always has to stand out from the crowd; making brash conversation points for the wider room
- don't be that weird customer who takes the first appointment of the day and always turns up half an hour early and loiters outside
- if you ask for an appointment, and are told there are none available, definitely don't ask 'but what about that guy? he looks free'
- if you are booked in for one service, don't beg to change it to a longer one when told the timetable doesn't accommodate it
- don't be that guy who repeatedly says he wanted to tip but forgot to bring extra cash. better not to tip at all than pretend it was your intention. 


The below points are understandable, but you will win some bonus favour by:

- considering which conversations they have already had 100 times that week and avoiding it 
- not asking them to cut the hair of a baby
- avoid saying 'I'd like my hair short, but not too short' when asked how you want your hair. 
- tipping, especially if the appt  took longer than expected

equinox_code wrote:

The below points are understandable, but you will win some bonus favour by:

- considering which conversations they have already had 100 times that week and avoiding it 

Does this still work if you avoid all conversation that isn’t standard pleasantries or directly related to your actual haircut?

I generally lead with a discussion of Poles and their bloody mullets.

Good news. I’ll stick to my policy of saying little and tipping well.

I never get my cock out though, nomatter how often they touch my head.

I normally have a bit of a chat with my barbers. Join in with their chatter as well. The place I go to is quite sociable. In the past I have avoided conversation but this place is different.

I always, always tip. It is a horrifically under paid profession considering it requires genuine skill and there is no Ctrl Z. My place charges £11, £13 on a Saturday which is frankly ridiculously cheap for the standard of cut they do. I normally give them £20.

I don't think I've ever booked a barbers. It's that a thing?

That works for me as a definition