Sounds great.

I break the fast, but I don't eat breakfast.

Skerret wrote:

I break the fast, but I don't eat breakfast.

That's all breakfast is. You just don't eat breakfast first thing.

No chilli sauce? You may as well end it now.

Ulcers?

SpaceGazelle wrote:

Why aren't you allowed chilli sauce?

crohn's disease

I made that up.

This will get heavy for a minute, skip on if you'd rather just enjoy adkm's glittery sprinkling of pedantry over the beige porridge of Skerret, especially as this isn't really the thread but whatever, I feel safer here.

SpaceGazelle wrote:

Why aren't you allowed chilli sauce?

I've been really ill for so long now, something like over a year. No one knows why. I've had blood taken and all the other samples that don't need mentioning. I'm told I'm 'fine'. But I'm really not.

Fine isn't eating anything that doesn't go straight through me, like the aforementioned chillis which are the worst. I'm talking 20-30 mins after I eat the tiniest amount. My mouth is conditioned to take a lot of heat and I crave the sweaty endorphin rush of a real scorcher. Next worst? Rare red meat. Shame that's in burgers. Or things with high sugar content like, say, BBQ sauce. The list doesn't end but the things I like the most are the worst. I eat a lot of fish and vegetables and hope for the best, or just don't eat at all if I've reached breaking point with the cramps and inconvenience. I know there are so many positive changes I can make to change variables, but the next paragraph might tell you a bit about why I'm miles away from quitting the daily drinking and smoking (or recently worse), that feels like my only little escape.

n0face wrote:

No chilli sauce? You may as well end it now.

Do not feel at all bad about what I'm about to say, n0f, we're chatting as normal and I smiled, but if I didn't have my family, who knows, maybe that would be a reality I was serious about. This year I've had a lot of those type of thoughts, but would never do anything like that to the people I love.

It's not just the illness you see. My work have essentially psychologically tortured me and fucked me financially by backing out of a deal I made with them during the first year of my son's life, then trying to fire me on the spot for claiming my story was the truth - to the point where I had to record conversations with my sociopathic, self-admittedly bi-polar multimillionaire CEO so that he couldn't rage as hard at me in front of my peers and my team. You get the picture, someone with a lot of power is deliberately making my life hard and it fucking hurts as intended.

A lot of people tell me these things might be linked. It's a very pressured situation at work and stress is associated with IBS, but I don't know. There's all the other little stresses that might feed in to this theory, I've taken to fatherhood well and my little boy is as happy as can be, but I wasn't ready for the lack of sleep and the small amount of free time and social life being taken away from me. Plus sexual frustration, but I aint even going in to that one here.

I'll end with a little silver lining. There's a couple of posters here that I have a whatsapp group with and we talk every day. They're two of the coolest dudes I've met in any capacity and understand how my (kind of broken) mind works, and make me feel better all the time. And I've got the Destiny community on PS4 which is fucking awesome and is basically my social life now, which I really cherish and helps me forget about the constant pain in ass, literally, of my life and less literally of my career.

'....'  is probably what you're thinking, and you're right, this is quite the emotional vent but I feel like I really needed to so I'll post and just hope it doesn't spread any unhappiness. Things could be a lot worse.

TL/DR

mmmmm glittery porridge

I'll be down to London late Summer/early Autumn. We can do all the things you're not supposed to then if you're still alive.

Nick, that post is full of feels. Your work seems awful but I know that feeling of being trapped, sucks. Don't underestimate the toll your little one takes out of you but it eventually eases off, promise.

Dark times but it seems like you are doing it right, and a big thumbs up to your forum support group.

Like SG said I'll be tapping London in August and you're on a promise to show me the seedy underbelly.

I just ate samosa, a thali and three gulab jambu. I'm so full it hurts a little.

Iftar Delivery, Lamb Biryani, Mutton curry, Pakora and Barfi. I haven't really got room but It'd be rude not to.

n0face wrote:

Nick, that post is full of feels. Your work seems awful but I know that feeling of being trapped, sucks. Don't underestimate the toll your little one takes out of you but it eventually eases off, promise.

Dark times but it seems like you are doing it right, and a big thumbs up to your forum support group.

Like SG said I'll be tapping London in August and you're on a promise to show me the seedy underbelly.

I just ate samosa, a thali and three gulab jambu. I'm so full it hurts a little.

I've just arranged something similar with SG, trust me I'll keep that promise.

Outlaw & Yoss, thanks.

It'll happen man and thanks. And I hope he left with the sorest head.

That would be grand.

Back to business as usual. I came home to this beauty last night, beef + Guinness + cheddar. Best pie Nicki's made me yet.

Is SGs quick pork ragu in there? I can't find it.