84. Sagaia - Genesis (55mins)
85. Darius Gaiden - Arcade (30mins)

Two absolute scrubman playthroughs of well regarded horiscroll shumps, inspired by some chat that broke out on here last week.  I had Sagaia - aka Darius II - as a kid. My dad bought the MD off (of) a colleague and it came with a diverse smattering of games, but I was never any good at it, or the genre.  I borrowed Hellfire once: blimey.  Even in 1992 with only a handful of games to choose from I think reaching level 3 of Sagaia was my PB.  I tended to prefer the screen push types (Sub-Terrania etc.) to the forced scrolling ones, a preference that's mostly stuck.  I've dabbled with far more shmups in recent years than I usually do, but I'm still a beginner when it comes to taming them.  Which is probably why I still think Sagaia is outrageously difficult even with save states.  It's smooth, it controls well and I'd have the stage one music in contention for the absolute best shmup tune ever award, but it's so crushingly brutal that at least 60% of my playthrough was a war of attrition.  And that's powered up, mind - if you rollsafe with save scumming and keep your shield you don't reappear with a pea-shooter because it's basically a TAS perfect run.  For those in the know I believe this is considered a good game and a solid port, but it's so far out of my comfort zone I wouldn't have the slightest interest in learning the latter stages properly.  Mrs. Moot summed it up for me when she glanced at the screen: 'I hate these games, they never seem fair'.  Of course she's wrong, but only for the small minority of players with the drive to learn why - in layman's terms she's bang on.  There were sections I found hard to navigate unscathed even with flagrant abuse of rewinds.

So I moved on to Darius Gaiden afterwards, and thankfully the whole thing felt infinitely more doable thanks to the get out of jail bomb drop, which wasn't an option in the earlier game.  You only get three per credit, but the ability to survive a no-win situation is a bit of a game changer for anyone who doesn't know that layouts like the back of their hand.  I've got no idea when shmups started to incorporate such niceties, but the invincibility windows offered by bombs feel like a pretty big deal to me (as they did in Crisis Wing, Sophstar etc).  I still had to hammer the save states, obviously, but the bomb helped me to pretend I was in charge. 

The Outrun style branching paths are great and seem to be a Darius staple (which means there are tons of stages in all of them), as is the WARNING A HUGE BATTLESHIP APPROACHES boss stuff.  The names of the guardians are suitably wild too - I think one of them was called Fatty Glutton.  Gaiden in particular is clearly a legit game, but not being skilled at the genre coupled with having zero desire to learn the layouts means it's a bit wasted on me.  Off the top of my head I can't actually think of any forced horizontal scrolling shmups that I genuinely love - there almost certainly aren't any in my top 100. 

There's no point in me adding scores really, they're proper 'it's not you it's me' games.  Gaiden > Sagaia, but something like Resogun is miles better than both for my tastes.  

Here's an energetic rendition of the tune I mentioned earlier:

Love it! Regretfully, I sold my very-decent copy a few years back during my collection cull. Now I’m on the lookout for a good copy on eBay but they are mostly in unsatisfactory condition for me. 

Gonna keep for a mini collection:
Soul Blazer (why the change from Blader?! What’s the story there?)
Actraiser
Terranigma
Illusion of Gaia (maybe)
Secret of Mana
Chrono Trigger - maybe. Too expensive now. Again, I now regret selling my mint copy.

Found it - Skyblazer. Carry on.

86. Inscryption - Switch (12hrs?)

Bizarre narrative driven escape the room cum deck builder that's briefly roguelike, then decides it's not just as you settle into its already unusual groove.  It's one of those 'better to know nothing about it going in' things.  Like The Stanley Parable.  Or the Nic Cage Wicker Man.  Or Mindcage, which just popped in my head for some reason.  This also makes it trickier to review than my usual go-right-to-win games, so I'll keep this short.

The thought of deck builders usually leaves me cold.  I appreciate the idea - and why other people might love 'em - it just sounds like hot piss for my particular gaming tastes.  Slay the Spire is clearly and irrefutably one of the greatest games ever made, but the whole roguelike randodeck stuff has me sticking my limbs out like an old dog being carried towards a bath he doesn't want.  I know I wouldn't like it, and perhaps more importantly, I'd rather not like it because the StS brigade don't seem to bat an eyelid at dropping 200-500hrs into the one thing on repeat.  GOAT or not, I'm not that monogamous when it comes to games (which some of you have probably noticed), and I think Trials Evo is the only game I've ever clocked up big hours on (300 maybe?).  Spire doesn't have the Devolver factor though, which is always worth a minimum of +2 for me.  Plus this isn't an affront to the eyeballs. 

Tangent time, just look at this list: Hotline Miami, Luftrausers, the early Olli Olli's, Downwell, Mother Russia Bleeds, Ruiner, The Red Strings Club, Return to Monkey Island, Ape Out, Gris, Disc Room, Enter the Gungeon, Sludge Life, Katana Zero, Fall Guys, BroForce, Death's Door, The Messenger, Minit, Heave-Ho, and (while perhaps not the best game on the list) my personal favourite, Not a Hero.  I could go on, but the quality is plain to see from that little lot: more often than not DevDig back the right horse.  Quelle surprise, as the non-sad kids say: Inscryption is a belter too.

I didn't love it all the way through, but on the whole I thought it was brilliant.  It took me a while to get to grips with what's basically a new genre to me (I played Steamworld Quest, but that holds your hand a lot more), and I thought it dragged a little when it took its first left turn, but towards the end I was thoroughly addicted to the battles and the time flew by.  I'm pretty sure it became intentionally easier as it progressed because I only lost one life in act III.

That's enough chat anyway, it's a delightful game that's worth an [8] or [9] depending on how good a mood I'm in.  In Devolver we trust; their Robocop chainsaw showcase videos wear a bit thin these days, but the software they publish continues to impress.

I particularly liked how ridiculously OP the 



Aside from What the Bat, which needs finishing off, and my continuing journey through the streets of the mid-90s, my gaming plate is now pretty much clear for Zelda.

Was that jacket in that free designer clobba you got? Damn you can move.

Yes yes, it's top of the list when I eventually enter this VR space.

Yeah sorry

Wait, what?

Omgzors!

Yeah muzz, do your work ffs. (no rush, honestly)

90. Terror of the Hemasaurus - Switch (<2hrs)

Love letter to Rampage from the guy behind the genuinely good Super Blood Hockey, who's clearly partial to a retro inspired pixelated bloodbath. I was never a massive fan of Rampage, so it's impressive to see a reworked indie game that bolts enough enhancements to the basics to make an homage that's worth playing, even for players on the fence with its inspiration. The ability to kick and grab/throw the tiny humans (as well as eat them to regain health) adds a satisfactory arcade loop to the proceedings that, bizarrely, I felt was missing from the actual arcade loop of the original.  I borrowed it once on Master System, but simultaneous two player mode aside it was never a CLASSIC I was too impressed with.  There's a lot more actual game here, and more scope for having fun while smashing stuff up.  

This frames the destruction as an amusing global warming warning, with brief (and skippable) cut-scenes that don't outstay their welcome.  It's short, and it's surprisingly easy for the most part, but it's definitely a romp.  I think I paid £8, which was 30% off the standard asking price, and that felt about right for an [8] I reckon.  Despite the fact that it's a copycat effort there aren't many similar games out there, and if you're looking for a well made short afternoon's entertainment that hits the marks it aims for you could do a hell of a lot worse than this.  Stick it on the watchlist and nab it at 50% off in a month or so (@drewmerson) and you'll be laughing.  I didn't even play it in co-op (it's not suitable for Tilly as it contains almost all of the swears), and I'd be willing to bet it's a better experience in mp.  



91. What the Bat? - PSVR2 (4-5hrs)

VR side hustle from the What the Golf? devs that that does most things quite well but never makes a concerted push for greatness.  I had fun with it on the whole - at times it's brilliant - but it recycles so many ideas en route to the credits that it definitely feels less consistent (and consistently varied) than WTG.  Some of the one-shot ideas fall flat, and a few of what you might expect to be one-shot ideas make a reskinned reappearance ten stages later.  I'll echo my complaints with Storyteller a month or so back, which was a similarly solid idea executed in a slightly underwhelming way: this needed a longer gestation period at the whiteboard stage, and more time spent brainstorming ideas.  There's no need for events in something like this to dip below a [7] imo.  There's so much scope for messing around with the core mechanics that any even slightly iffy suggestions should have been rubbed off the board, rather than programmed into the game.  If this was all gold all the time it would be superb, but it's happy with a swing and a miss taking up maybe a third of its overall length, which just isn't cricket.  It's things like this where I'd say 'be more Nintendo' would be pertinent advice, but you could easily replace Nintendo with Team Asobi there.  Just keep the batting average high, innit - hold your horses and create a labour of love rather than an undercooked package based on a good idea.    

Having the pun as the level name when you select it rather than popping up as you hit a flag a la What the Golf hurts the experience more than it should too.  There was something about success coupled with the sweet gratification of a pun that felt perfect in WTG.  I enjoyed that game, and all rounds of DLC, but it only truly got the hats off reaction for its God-tier punnage and competitive co-op mode.  The TLDR is that this is good, but that feels like a bit of a shame as it could/should have been great with slightly more stringent quality control.  There's free DLC on the way, so waiting for a post-update sale would probably be my advice - in my experience you occasionally find that devs produce their best work after they've completed the main set of stages, once they're properly au fait with what makes the whole thing tick, Octo Expansion/The Delicious Last Course/Finding the Flowzone style.  Not bad, but not a game to help justify the expense of a VR kit. [6]

It definitely wins the award for the most shameless Shinning style rip-off of the Star Wars score ever for its *spoiler* space stages (which are actually very good).  We've all heard dozens of cheeky SW musical homages before but this takes the (travel) biscuit.  

Why not?

Nice. I installed that on my Series S a few months ago (had it on 360 originally iirc). I love slightly crappy bolted on stuff like that. I should play Journey mode on Fifa really, I got halfway through a season out on loan on the first one and got sidetracked. Never got my revenge on Danny Williams for mugging me off.

I'm pretty sure you could because I remember considering a bundle at one point.

92. Panzer Dragoon Remake - Switch (45mins)

I've already played this once and gave it a 6.  I think I was trying to judge it as I might judge a new game, which isn't really fair because it's not; optional control choices aside it's pretty much just a reskin of a game that appeared when 3D games were only just starting to find their feet on consoles.  I don't think the £25 EShop asking price helped much either, even though I only paid £6 iirc.  Anyway, it's £2.24 at the moment, and of equal importance is the fact that this has been patched into its gladrags since launch.  I definitely played it after an update of sorts in 2020, as I remember there being a performance mode that apparently wasn't there for the day one full price release (lolgutted, megafans), but in its current 2.0 splendour it's actually a pretty nifty update.  It's nice looking rather than spectacular, but for a small team updating a Saturn title to end with something that could pass for an impressive Xbox 360 game (on Switch!) isn't a bad effort at all.

So it's basically just a nicer looking version of the original game that also plays better thanks to a much smoother framerate.  There are new tunes, but the original score is one of the best of the 32-bit era so I opted for the OG in the menu.  It's no Zwei (which makes it extra disappointing that the confirmed remake of that seems to have gone missing), but it's an iconic rails shooter that's still worth playing.  [7]

Zwei > Saga > Orta > Panzer Dragoon Remake > Panzer Dragoon > Panzer Dragoon Mini

I heard the same team were remaking Zwei.