yourfavouriteuncle wrote:

Moot_Geeza wrote:

I think it's technically three for cup competitions.

So there’s the national team and then the other two?

There's a national team now??

My dad always says you can't have a truly great team without at least one Scotman in it.  It's one of his longest lasting football hottakes.

4. Vampire Survivors (SeX) - 5/4 (14 hrs)
Oddly compulsive is the best way to describe this. I think I’ve had my fill after 14 hours or so. It’s greater than the sum of its parts for sure: looks shit, sounds shit, starts off so slooooow and dull and boring.
But once you’ve put in a bit of time and unlocked some upgrades (like faster fucking walk speed!), runs can become mesmerising affairs as enemy counts rocket and your weapons wreak havoc on them, hundreds of little damage numbers flying around and sparks flying everywhere.
Alas, I don’t have the patience to put even more time in to unlock more weapons and upgrades and all sorts. Kinda fun while it lasted, but also can be dull and boring too.
[7]

77. Riot City - Arcade (50mins)

1991 Sega scrolling beat 'em up that eschews genre progression in favour of an ultra simplistic two button approach. At a glance it looks like a game that should have a deeper array of combat possibilities, but in actuality you can only perform the absolute bare minimum of moves. If you're not the sort of belt scroll devotee who can handle things even simpler than the usual level of simple (no judgements here), you might want to give this a miss because 50mins is a long shift for simply walking, punching, jump kicking or throwing (or using the solitary obligatory health draining special). There aren't even any weapons to pick up, which is baffling - most of the bins and pot plants just seem to contain point boosts (pointless if you're credit spamming). Still, it's a solid enough game despite its lack of ambition, and there's enjoyment to be found in its chunky charms for a certain type of player - @retroking would have no beef with the limited repertoire, for example. Player 1 controls Paul, Player 2 controls Bobby, so there isn't even a proper character select option (other than presumably choosing which side of the cabinet to stand on).

Enemies aren't really varied enough for my liking. They all seem to act in roughly the same way, with two types amusingly telegraphing their slide/leaping attack. Half of them can pluck a jump kick out the air too, which is annoying - SOR2 perfected the balance for me (don't jump in on Donovan innit). There aren't any women on the streets of this city either, either in playable form or trying to stop the Krav Maga justice of the two playable (checks notes) undercover narcotics officers. Not even whip weilders in stilletos or scantily clad punks in fishnets or bondage gear. Bit sexist. Bosses basically mug you too, which is often the case in these games, but even so it's rare to see one where the damage of your special attack is nerfed so considerably against the big boys.

Overall it's fine. There are some bits that I know I would have loved in '91 (the Bruce Lee boss leaping between floors and emerging with NUNCHUCKS, for example), but it doesn't get a complete pass despite waving the Sega flag (developed by Westone of Wonderboy fame, fact fans). [3.5 out of 6] seems about right, all things considered. I had my fun.

Not yet, it's on the list so I'll move it up.

Had one called B.RAP Boys lined up (supposedly far superior sequel to DJ Boy), but I can't seem to get the ROM to load on anything.

Haha. I was whinging so much while the wife played (with her laser corrected 'better than 20/20' vision) I Googled it because I couldn't believe how tiny it was. Just press up

78. Ninja Baseball Bat Man - Arcade (40mins)

No, no that Bat Man.  No, I'm not making these up.  If I was making them up forthelols I'd be quite happy with the premise of this though - five sacred artifacts have been stolen from the baseball hall of fame, and four playable robotic ninja ballers are out to get them back, in full bonkers belt scroll style.  Zany doesn't always go a long way for me, but there are occasions where I'll allow it, and this brings so much bizzaro energy to the proceedings it gives the slightly-better-than-fine battling average a cheeky lift.  Fundamentally I've played plenty of games like it of course (it's still a standard scrolling beat 'em up at heart), but it's such a crazy experience it definitely stands out.  

The red character is the all-rounder, yellow hits hard, blue has Donatello level reach and green is useless (fast = shit here, don't pick him unless you want to enjoy the game less/pay more imaginary money to reach the credits). Bosses are huge and there's weird stuff going on all over the place. This was IREM's next foray into the genre after Undercover Cops apparently, which was a bit of a rubber stamp effort really, so I'm glad someone successfully pitched a curveball. From left field. If you've played the greats and you fancy something quite good that struts a little differently in terms of style this is worth a look. [4 out of 6]



79. Growl - Arcade (35mins)

This started superbly and was coasting for a 5 for the first few stages, it just gets a little too annoying towards the end and the final boss was a kick in the teeth and a shit on the bed. Overall I had a great time - the fast-paced (almost turbo) action was noted and appreciated - it just suffers more than most from late game wobbles as the devs didn't seem too fussed with scaling the difficulty fairly. Much like Undercover Cops in that respect then, which also shot itself in the foot with its final stage after a strong start, although that was due to monotony more than coin greed. Still, the basics are great for a while here, and while it's not quite Baseball Batman levels of odd, the 'evil hunters' thing is a great hook and the big reveal is amusing. Along the way you'll rescue various caged or mistreated animals, and it's never not fun to fight alongside an elephant going ham. Plus the weapon pick-ups are rewarding (special mention for possibly the best whip in the genre) and the layouts/set-pieces are pretty neat (poachers getting hit by a steam train ftw).

It's a little lazy with its playable character designs as they've used two to make four really. The Indiana Jones 'homage'* is used twice with different colour palettes, as is the other sprite you can choose (who doesn't appear to be directly ripped off from elsewhere, which is a shame). They've all got slightly different stats though, tbf. I considered dropping to a 3.5 because the late game really is quite poor, but considering its age I'm happy with a [4 out of 6]. Tremendous fun for the first 20mins.

*The sampled speech even sounds exactly like a muffled Ford, so well done them.

Had that baseball bat man on my list for a while. Saw the name somewhere and thought I’d have to. I’m sure I heard about a sequel / spiritual successor in the works.

It turns out that

...and it's almost impossible to hit.

80. Knuckle Bash - Arcade (30mins)

Picked this by name earlier this morning, it wasn't on my list but I fancied a randrom.  Turns out it's a Toaplan belt scroller from 1993 that tends to focus on smaller brawls and 1v1 fights rather than the usual mob handed ungentlemanly city gang pile on tactics.  I'm pretty sure the maximum amount of enemies I saw on screen throughout my playthrough was four.  The action takes place in smaller than the norm areas, almost arenas really (there's a literal arena at one point, plus locations as diverse as wrestling rings and hotel lobbies).  So a bit like Combatribes in that respect.  It's standard stuff but agreeable enough at the same time, although it does feel a bit off the pace for 1993.  The initial playable character roster consists of crew-cut blond man (basically a Lundgren), a heavy hitting/throwing wrestler and, unexpectedly, the king of rock & roll.  Or at least an impersonator.  Along the way you can beat up and instantly befriend a ninja (ofc) and a full kit wanker called Captian, according to the Wiki, who clearly enjoys a spot of grid iron.  An unusual bunch for sure, but a pretty standard game all told.  Fun for what it is though, and not a bad way to pass the time while waiting for a delayed Amersham train. [3 out of 6]

Steel Assult is a magnificent looking game. Agree that its nothing spectacular gameplay-wise, but it's one of the most glorious indies I've ever played in terms of visuals.

Tetris: press up to win.

Really glad you both enjoyed it, and for the record E did actually wet herself at one point. And yeah, the very occasional "shit" is a bit of a shame but otherwise there's nothing in this that I regret E seeing or hearing.  Quite the contrary.

15. Metroid Prime Remake - 12 Hours - 7/10 - Nintendo Switch

Gotta admit…not a big fan…I originally gave up on this on the Cube as it gave me a headache…no such thing happened this time, but I finished it because I’m stubborn more than because I was really enjoying it. Yes it’s a thing of beauty, the Nintendo effect is in full force with some wonderful touches and character, but for want of better words, fuck the constant backtracking. The crappy combat (though I know it’s not the priority and it’s a million years old). Then when you think it might be over having to find all the artifacts and thinking it’s over. To have a boss fight, to think it’s over, but find another area, then another boss fight…then ANOTHER boss fight. I’m sure I’ll play the second when it inevitably appears as the quality is undeniable…but I hope it’s a little less dull.

The final quarter always took the shine off it for me too. The backtracking, the pirates, constant beam and visor switching, and a couple of really annoying bosses. Up to that point it's fantastic, but I've not been tempted back because of that.

83. Pistol Whip - PSVR2 (5hrs)

Not really sure when to review this, but now seems like as good a time as any - it's not likely to suddenly reveal a massively different side post-credits, and I've finished both campaigns/played through all arcade stages on easy or normal.  Despite some misgivings over the auto aim (at present the aim-assist can only be toggled between 'hit the barn door while aiming at the roof' and 'off'), it's just about the most fun I've had with a videogame ever.  I mean that sincerely too, so without hyperbole: this is one of the best games I've ever played.  A light gun genre revival was top of my wishlist for the whole virtual reality movement, and this supersedes the best of the classics.  Perhaps this bit is a knee-jerk reaction, but I'm feeling it so I'm happy to go Full Wally on this hill: this is actually better than Virtua Cop.  The VR element, with added head tracking and dodging, genuinely resuscitates a genre that's been mostly dead for years, gives it a shot in the arm (and some Nuke in the neck) and sends it swaggering into a sci fi rails shooting gallery. Superhot aside this is probably the best example of bullet time since the 6-8wk period in 1999 where The Matrix was cool. It's a shooting gallery at heart, but music is its pulse - for high scores you need to shoot on the beat, which is why the generous aim-assist is understandable, but if you'd prefer to play it as a tin can alley type you can add modifiers to remove the rhythm element (or mute the music). The Deadeye option does away with aim assists completely, but it's a huge step up in difficulty and I can't decide if it's accurate enough for Joe average to genuinely git gud or if your time would be better spent playing with default aim assist + higher difficulties. I've enjoyed Deadeye mode with a big head modifier on anyway, so I've dabbled, but I find myself missing a lot of shots aimed at normal noggin bad guys, even when they're fairly close. Tip: if you do experiment with aim assist off, start with the easy mode even if you're au fait with the game.

After Astrobot: Rescue Mission this is the best example of VR going places that leaves novelty behind, imo. It could be a coincidence, but the two headset GOATs for me are updates of genres I have a particular fondness for that time forgot (funnelled into-the-screen 3D platformers and plastic peripheral gun 'em ups). Anyone with an interest in light gun (and to a lesser extent rhythm games) who has access to any sort of VR kit capable of running it should run through walls to play this. An absolutely glorious swaggering delight good enough to justify the extravagance of (going halvsies on) a £500 headset. Up there with Returnal for best PS5 game and easily my GotY so far. [9]

If a patch appears that adds incremental aim-assists I'd consider giving this the full-blown aids [10]. I'd be amazed if this isn't a platinum tier Gavgame either way. @Retroking1981, I'm not sure how good the PSVR1 version of this is but it should definitely be on your radar.