I think

11??

115.  - Switch (7hrs 15mins)

'A platformer spoofing your favourite genre classics', says the blurb.  It's so much more than that though - it's a retro flavoured 2D platformer that aims to rub shoulders with the very best in class and doesn't embarrass itself by falling too far short.  Yes, there's comedy and pastiche in there, but don't mistake this for a gimmicky copycat - it's an almost fully legit jumpmans that's up there, at times, with the Meat Boys and Celestes of this world in terms of taut, meticulously crafted obstacle courses.  Controls are fairly loose for a precision platformer, which sounds like a blot on its copybook but it generally works very well.  Along with the standard jump and directional fling moves, Garlic can also become a kind of haphazard wrecking ball and fling himself between surfaces.  I've seen this compared to pinball in reviews, but that implies slightly less control than you actually get - you can use it with calculated purpose, but only the truly elite players will rely on it regularly.  I'd imagine it's rife on speedruns as it feels like it might help gifted players crack the game wide open, but for mere mortals it lies somewhere between a manageable risk and and taking LSD near a rooftop in the 90s.  I loved the weight and inertia of the main character, but it also struck me as something that might feel very wrong to some players - good as it is, it's got a Marmite streak a mile wide.   

I like anything like that though - Bovril, Vegimite, Marmite - they're all very much my jam when it comes to toast toppings. Ergo I absolutely hammered this and finished it in two days.  It starts breezy enough, as these things often do, but by the end game the difficulty ramps up shamelessly.  I considered tapping out of the post-credits checkpointless stage, and probably would have if a cheeky look at YouTube hadn't revealed that I was only two screens away from the end end.  I got there eventually.  There's always a sense of satisfaction to successfully negotiating a tricky platform section, but unfortunately the same can't be said of the bosses.  They're not ruinous, but they're almost universally a bit shit, and despite the fact that I'm a boss man (which my my local newsagents seem to be aware of) they had a mare with the mayors and I could have done without them completely.  In terms of the main course, it's tough, but the energy system give scrub-tier players such as myself a certain amount of leeway to break the system.  The stages are filled with instadeath hazards (flames, spikes) and objects that essentially just remove your shield for a few seconds (which removes the ability to dash during the recharge).  Taking a hit can be gamed slightly, which means that blootering through is a viable option for those with the lilyest of livers.

Complaints: Occasionally the dash didn't behave quite as expected, which resulted in trading hits with enemies I expected to tag without a trade, often with a quizzical eyebrow raised and/or muttered swearing.  Some of attempts to mix things up backfire, particularly a late game stage where a bouncing guardian is sort of chasing you - I got through with more luck than judgement.  There's also a bug in the Switch version which very nearly scuppered my chances of progression completely  - I'm amazed that playtesting didn't pick up on this, but the (spoiler alert) bubbles that pop up in one of the stages burst before you can use them if you've already died anywhere in the stage.  I triple checked YouTube after tearing my hair out for half an hour, and every full game video (from the admittedly not many available) shows the bubbles forming properly and floating upwards, rather than bursting pathetically just as they reach full size.  I forced it with a mixture of software closing and extreme risk taking with shortcuts, and thankfully that particular mechanic never resurfaced, but it's kinda fucked that the game's available with this kind of glitch slap bang in the middle of the only route to the credits.  Maybe this doesn't happen to everyone, but it happened to me and nearly killed the game completely.  Anyway, my sigh of relief was massive as I doubt I would have restarted the whole thing any time soon as I would have been sulking too hard to look at it.

The good vastly outweighs the bad on the whole though.  Most of the frustration is good frustration, and the bulk of the game is so satisfying any residual badwill from the weaker sections doesn't linger long.  It's maybe a little bit overly skewed towards speedrunning as rapid perfection occasionally feels like the path of least resistance for progression (the bosses especially need to be Leeroyed before they get a chance to be too annoying), it must be nigh-on impossible to get that balance absolutely spot on with something like this.  I would have preferred it if the scramble button (for steadier wallclimbing) was assigned to something other than the dash button, but I can't grumble too much as there's a good chance it can be remapped in the menus and I didn't bother looking.

I think it's my game of the (actual) year so far?  I may have given other new releases higher marks, I can't be expected to remember such trivialities, but even so this would place higher on my HOW MUCH DID I LOVE IT chart.  I really fucking loved this, warts and all, and I'm very pleased with myself for smashing with such vulgar display of l33t skillage.  The full completion time's up the top there Muzzy (good ending, post-game clocked).  Your move.  You might not love it as much as me but you have to try it.  I forgot to shoehorn my breath of fresh air garlic pun in so better late than never.  [8]

i?
Or
xi?

EvilRedEye wrote:

I can't imagine ever managing this, what with my JRPG-loving ways.

1 - Splatoon 2: Octo Expansion - [8]
2 - Splatoon 3 - [8]
3 - Telling Lies - [7]
4 - Hi-Fi Rush - [7]
5 - Gyromite - [6]
6 - Stack-Up - [3]

Are you ordering these by score, or just playing ever-worse games? Cos if the latter I'd love to make some suggestions to keep the run going...

I'm pretty sure I dished out a legit [0] a couple of years ago.

19. Alisia Dragoon - Mega Drive (70mins)

Filed directly alongside Atomic Runner on my 'supposedly decent MD games that passed me by' list, I thought I'd try a run-through just to see what the mini-fuss was all about. Without beating around the bush I thought the gameplay was horrendous, ergo I'd say this ends up being worse than some games that are rightfully considered crap. Rastan Saga II for example, or Batman Returns. Or Earthworm Jim.

It looks nice for an early '92 platformer, with some nifty parallax and the odd interesting visual effect here and there. I'd heard the music is considered top drawer too, but overall I remain unconvinced. It has some good tunes for sure, but there are more that I'd describe as uninspired. The main problem is the core mechanics though, chiefly the auto-lock lighting bolt and charge system. The longer you allow your weapon's energy bar to charge without firing the more powerful it becomes (at max charge it's basically a weak special), which should theoretically allow a methodical or fast paced approach, but in practice the level design flits between the two styles of play at the drop of a hat and and it ends up suiting neither unless you know exactly where everything is in advance. What should be interesting becomes irritating, very quickly, and let's be honest - who really enjoys auto targeting anyway? It's rarely satisfying. You get one life and have to find continues, so 'tough' isn't a good way to describe it really - it's horrific. Alisia doesn't feel good to control either, and I never quite worked out why some jumps resulted in her taking a knee to recover for a frame or two but some don't. Bosses soak up damage like nothing I've seen outside of Cuphead. Enemies are happy to materialise precisely where your character is standing and absolutely will tag you relentlessly, meaning that even players familiar with the layouts seem to just muddle through while making a beeline for hidden health pick-ups (I watched parts of a couple of YouTube runs after I'd finished it - which required an unhealthy amount of save scumming). You also have a selection of dragons available to assist, which have their own power levels, attack style and energy bar, but it's not a particularly well handled novelty. There are plenty of secret items tucked away within the stages- I'd be guessing if I tried to list what they all do though.
Mags often focused on Hidden Bits as a big deal back in the day. VFM etc. If a game was excessively difficult and had tons of secrets it probably already had one foot approaching 80%.

In summary it absolutely stinks without nostalgia, and the fact that I've read on multiple occasions that it's a decent game has done it no favours whatsoever. In fact, I'm so annoyed that it's flying even higher than it deserves on my least favourite MD games list. I can't be bothered to do the mental gymnastics required to give this an approximate of-the-time score, so I'll settle with what I'd rate it if it appeared in this form as a £6.99 nu retro game on the EShop - [1]. I can say with conviction that I never would have liked it, and probably wouldn't have seen further than the third boss anyway. Bobbins!

Reads like a [7]

EvilRedEye wrote:

Just coincidentally playing progressively worse games. Nothing I'm playing at the moment is a [3] or below though so I should be breaking the combo soon.

Combo broken, Metroid for NES got a [7].

Pleasantly surprised I'm managing a game a week so far.

Giant spotlight on 'played it again' there, I reckon. Reminds me of when I tried to convince people in the retro club thread that Red Zone iswas amazing.

No, that bit's a reference to the massive* EW kerfuffle when I claimed it had aged poorly last year.

*Massive-ish. I think three or four people got involved.

Love it. Mrs. Moot always wipes the floor with me at those basketball alley things. I thought I'd destroyed her last time we played but when I checked the scores it wasn't even close.

4.Dead Space Remake - 13 Hours - 10/10 - Xbox Series X

What a game. The absolute stone cold classic at the core with a lot of new bits dotted around the entire thing. Looks absolutely stunning and the sound is terrifying, certainly not as high end as The Callisto Protocol, but still looks and sounds stunning. God I hope the Dead Space 2 gets this treatment…Have already started New Game+…

@Cocha stop making me want to play it!