32. Returnal - PS5 (19hrs)

Pew Pew ∞!  Sumptuous arcadelike arena shooter from the masters of blasters starring Trumpton's favourite firefighting twins trapped in a perpetual intergalactic rogue loop.  Housemarque have replaced Treasure as the go-to pew guys in recent years - Resogun and Nex Machina were both S tier bullet sprayers.  Yes, I've gone 'on record' saying I prefer Aqua Kitty Milk Mine Defender to Resogun, but a) I fucking love Aqua Kitty and b) I played the slightly stepped on Vita version of Resogun, rather than the smooth & shiny PS4 game.  Plus I never said Aqua Kitty was a better game...

As mentioned elsewhere I was a bit disappointed/concerned when this was revealed as it's a huge jump from ultra polished small scale shmups to developing a roguelike flagship AAA title leading the first wave of the next gen offensive.  At a time when Sony believed in generations, no less.  In hindsight there was no need to worry as there's absolutely nothing about this game that suggests they weren't ready for the leap.  Despite the grander scale it's at least as well executed as the near perfect Nex Machina.  

In terms of layout the structure is interesting as there seem to be far less cards being shuffled behind the scenes than you'd usually see in comparative titles.  Each biome consists of a set number(?) of rooms arranged at random, but the hidden tombola spitting them out is only half full.  This means it's possible to learn the arenas/areas through repetition, as they're stitched together from eventually recognisable segments, whereas in other roguelikes you'll be training yourself to git gud/learning how to adapt on your toes.  This is important, because at first the odds felt insurmountable so the limited number of permutations work in the player's favour over time.  It's a small yet welcome leg up anyway.

Pretty much everything about the controls felt right, from the movement speed to the dash duration to the zipwire tracking to the jump length/height.  It's a shooter, but it's no slouch in the getting from A to B department either.  The half depress of L2 was a swing and a miss for me so I played it as a shoot-from-the-hip game.  Heavy fingers under pressure maybe, but a tender half press just wasn't possible on the cobbled dancefloor.  Crayon mentioned an alt fire button as an option, so I presume you can map aiming down the sights to a full press of L2 if you wish.  It wasn't an issue for me anyway.

There's so much left to say about it, but Supermarket Shriek is calling before bed.  I intended to waffle on for ages but I've changed my mind.  A quickfire summary of things I would have typed paragraphs on if I wasn't tired: The absolute balance of it all; even with all the risk/reward factors and multiple plates spinning at once, balance still emerges victorious.  The truly wonderful sound design - the room clear motif is chef's smooch stuff.  The drip fed narrative that trumps even the best walking sims and embarrasses all other shooters with a story attached (except Spec Ops: The Line maybe, that was good).  The pool of play-your-way weapons.  And most importantly, the absolute death grip addictiveness of every single second of it.

It's so very nearly a [10].  If pushed for complaints I'd say the sword isn't quite as satisfying to use as I would have liked, and I'd still suggest the required run times are a huge ask.  You really have to dedicate film length sessions to schleps that will invariable result in failure (climb as many ladders as you like, the sneaky snakes will still take you back to one of two squares), and although I see no obvious way around it without changing the fundamentals of what this game is, I'd have to highlight it as an issue.  I believe the suspend feature was added post launch, but even so...it's a lot. This is not how I play games, and I had to make an exception based on the quality of the experience.  

If you have the time, patience, skill [toots dusty trumpet] and dedication to see it through it's a once in a generation experience though, which is currently doorhanging just outside my all-time top ten waiting for an audio cue on an alt fire cooldown. Worth the price of a PS5. [9]

33. The Legend of Tianding - Switch (4hrs)

Odd little throwback platform brawler that feels like it would be at home on the Wii. Which isn't a criticism per se, it just reminded me of the likes of Muramasa and, more specifically, Batman: The Bold and the Beautiful (a thread favourite). Throw some Guacamelee into the mix and you've got the gist. I'm undecided how much I liked it overall, which isn't ideal as I've already started reviewing it, but I mostly had fun. I started this before Returnal, so it unwittingly became the slightly thin bread of a giant wave-based goat sandwich, which has probably made me slightly more critical of its weaker elements.

The tl, dr would be: cracking combat (the weapon steal is superb) with surprisingly nimble character movement, but padded by artificial length and tied together with a charmingly presented story that may have been translated by a work experience lad beamed in from the 1970s ("crumbs!")

A pricepoint more refllective of its charms, better performance, at least one more proper level and a few less 'bring me a hat from the tailor' (then go back and get me something else from the same area) requests would have upped the score by at least a point. [6]. Appreciated the rec JonB, it's a hugely me game on paper. Whenever a fight broke out I was happy.

My biggest takeaway from the experience is how awesome a 2D Yakuza spin-off that adopted a similar approach could be.

Edit: Forgot to mention the absolute Numberwang card battle that appeared midway through the game. I won, but I didn't have the slightest clue what I was supposed to be doing. Yes, there were a series of instructions, but I glazed over. I think it was a bit like ancient Uno, maybe. I was similarly miffed by the recurring dice game in Lunar Nights. I just don't learn this sort of thing easily and I seem to be predisposed to resist.

It's a pretty game for sure. The stutters in busy village screens irked, but overall it's got a strong look. Especially when the view zoomed in a bit (when usually the opposite is true with this sort of thing). The music was good yep, and used more sparingly than I expected. All the double jump/roll/thrust/rising kick inputs felt spot on too. No regrets grabbing it on sale anyway.

Strong review, I had similar thoughts earlier in the year but frustration edged out compelling. It's definitely a decent game but it's got a big fat Darkest Dungeon mean streak that would have been too much for me without the extra accessibility options.

Beginner with loads of starting credits/longer guard KOs + 99 restarts saw me through eventually

Layouts aren't all that bad. The power budget is usually the killer. Cracking open the thing you need to access and turning off the cameras, and disabling the drones, and then getting a daemon that drains your power more, and then you've got to hold up for a few turns waiting for some stuff to recharge and now the security level has risen and the cameras have been rebooted. I found myself trapped a lot.

Maybe it's harsher than I remember, or I played it so much that all the ins and outs became ingrained. There's certainly a lot to juggle.

I want to go back to it now, but there's no time.

7.Dying Light 2- 6 Hours - 5/10 - Xbox Series X

Didn’t think this would be to my tastes but had nothing else to play and got it for £16…still wasted…Not that it’s a bad game at all, just feels aimless and like it’s trying to do too many things at once without really succeeding at any of them. Think it’s a pattern with me and first person open world games, unless they’ve got a strong story or are part of a franchise I like they just never really catch me. Binned.

8.Sifu- 6 Hours - 5/10 - PS5

Another picked up in the lull. Another quitter. Completed half of it and whilst I enjoyed it somewhat, nowhere near enough to carry on. Just too much work. Never have been one to remember a number of combos etc, thought I’d be able to muddle through but with the age thing it just becomes a farce. Some great set-pieces and a very well made game, nice visual style and the soundtrack/sound is brilliant. But just too much hard work for me to be able to enjoy it.
Binned.

Paul the sparky wrote:

Did you play the first Dying Light, Vera?

No, didn’t think I’d get along with it then but really wanted to give this one a go. It’s really not a bad, bad game, just one of those I will never choose to play.

35. Supermarket Shriek - Switch (3.5hrs)

I love replaying indies.  Until the previous gen I rarely bothered replaying anything once polygons arrived as almost everything became a one shot experience.  Even absolute favourites like Ninja Gaiden on the Oldbox (which I repeatedly said to myself I was going to replay, even as I played it) never saw the disc drive again.  I've revisited a dozen or so gems in the last couple of years though, with no regrets.  

This was one of my indie champions from 2019 - an absolute treat when I first started dabbling with Gamepass - and I'm happy to report that the portable port is good.  The Switch lacks analogue triggers, so this will never be the definitive version, but it's not as big a deal as it is in something like Trials Rising.  The layouts never really call for a soft scream anyway, so digital inputs are fine.  

So what is it?  It's an obstacle course challenge with a man and a goat stuck in a shopping trolley that can only be propelled by scream power.  One scream turns the cart left, one scream turns the cart right, both at once roll it forwards.  You can use the left stick to assist with the steering, but that muddies the purity of the controls so I switch it off in the menus.  It's a bit Marble Madness, a bit Kuru Kuru Kururin and a bit Doritos Crash Course, which is INJECT IT territory for me.  The controls are outstanding.  There are only six sets of levels, so it's a crying shame there's no user generated content/DIY mode, but I loved every second of it.  I can't remember if the Bone version had online leaderboards.  This doesn't, so that's a sizeable omission if so, but it does keep track of local best time ghosts to race.  £8 the cart cost me, it's even cheaper than that elsewhere (on PS4 too).  Wonderful stuff.

It's absolutely a [9], I even enjoyed the shopping list stages this time.  Mute the audio and roll to Willie Nelson's Red Headed Stranger on repeat, you won't regret it. 

37. Archery Club - Switch (6hrs)

I bought this a while ago as a potential multiplayer caravan game. It was £1.88 at the time, so I was happy to gamble on it, but was definitely expecting it to be a bit shit as reviews were hard to find. The ladslads van trip was cancelled as my daughter currently has covid, and I remembered I'd bought it as she was going to bed last night. I was still playing it over four hours later, having paid next to no attention to either my wife or A Quiet Place 2. It's a grindy, glitchy little number that has built-for-mobile klaxons going off all over the place, but the core archery is kinda superb. There are loot boxes aplenty which contain unlockable gear cards to boost your stats (the usual common/rare/legendary gubbins), and even a trickshot mode with a 24hr cooldown period on claiming prizes, so it's like an archery version of Candy Crush I guess. Although I've barely played any mobile games so I really am guessing to an extent.

The three main events are great though. Longbow has you shooting at targets while taking into account the drop for distance and wind levels. Shortbow is more of a quickfire round with multiple targets in play at once (fun but easily the weakest of the three), and the Compound Bow is like an ultra powerful long distance finesse shot. Simple stuff really, but rarely (if ever) executed this well.

I managed to beat the World Tour mode, which pits you against stupidly/randomly named AI characters (Hony Bun, Sweetie, Magic Cat, Top Shot, Emily, Buzz Man) across ten different locations. It's ferociously unfair in the later stages, but I enjoyed smashing my head against it until it allowed me a stroke of luck. Honestly, if you get the longbow as an event in the final two stages you might as well not bother - I lost track of the amount of times my opponent scored a perfect 70 from three arrows, proper M. Bison level 8 brass neck stuff.

There's a Challenge mode with balloon popping, bottle breaking and bad guy/hostage set-ups too. I'm halfway through that and it's Good Craic. Multiplayer is turn based rather than split screen (shortbow excluded), which is a great choice and means that this will indeed be an excellent caravan game when the beano is back on. I would have absolutely loved this in the early noughties as an alternative to Everybody's Golf 2, Monkey Target, Worms Armageddon and Tony Hawks H.O.R.S.E mode. Pass the pad ftw.

The menus hang for up to five seconds at a time and the entire front end feels cheap, but I can't knock the actual target stuff. [8] seems about right. I could sit here and pick it apart but I wanted a good multiplayer archery game and I got one.

Not even a joke, really.

Aye that's the one. Surprisingly moreish.

I'd play it.

38. Michael Jackson's Moonwalker - Megadrive (50-ish mins)

The Youtube algo offered me a live version of Smooth Criminal last week, which Jackson mimed his way through shamelessly. So obviously after watching that I thought 'I wonder how the Megadrive version of Moonwalker holds up'. When I was a MD-less kid Dean Walker had Moonwalker, which we used to play after school when we weren't Wrestle Warring. It was pretty good, all things considered (with the benefit of hindsight there's a lot to consider; much like the man himself the game is fucking weird). I've never seen the film and didn't know the arcade game existed at that point, so this was pretty much my only Michael avenue as a kid.

Time has been less harsh on early 16-bit games than later ones, is my most recent Hot Take, and this manages to remain fairly decent compared to some. The simplicity definitely doesn't hurt it. Rescue kidnapped kids in five sets of three stages and either fight or have a dance off with a wave or two of baddies is basically it for Jacko's to-do list. It looks quite nice for its age (a definite step up from 8-bit era), sounds great and plays reasonably well, while keeping its 'oh fuck off' elements of unfairness down to a bare minimum. It gets annoying towards the end, but of course it does. 7 Cockerbums out of 10.