In, for my sins

I get beaten by my 9yo and 6yo on Smash. Dammit.

Diluted Dante wrote:

Salah as captain, yes.

LivDiv wrote:

No worries. I'm making no promises of in depth weekly updates but will try my best.

Can you do one this week at least?

BREAKING NEWS ROUNDUP!

Week One of The Bear and Badger Fantasy Premier League Sponsored by Moccona Instant Coffee™ ended with tears, cheers and shocks galore! The best week of football fantasy since the last fantastical week of footballing fantasy was wrought fantastically upon your fantastic fantasies. 

The Leader this week, brought to you by our Official Noodle Partner Shin Noodles™ is one Alex Walker, and his 11 Desperate Men. Obvious choice Salah as Captain brought in a whopping Shin Noodle Approved™24 points, with Kane and Sterling also bringing in respectable numbers. Sterling's 20 points, in particular, brought to mind feelings as satisfying as a pack of Spicy Shin Noodles™ covered with a cheese slice and mixed together to perfection. He also got 8 points having Pope in goal. Which means he bet against Southampton. What a cunt. 

The Close but No Cigar award, sponsored by our Responsible Vice Partner Nicorette™, for 2nd and 3rd go to Boomshanka and Danchester United. Unlike Nicorette 48-hour Quitting Gum™, they didn't quite have the lasting power to see you through the weekend. Boomshanka's Aguero as striker seemed smart at first but proved misguided, like cutting down smoking without a Nicorette Patch™on your arm. And the less said about the Wesley / Vardy strike "partnership" at Danchester United, the better. For a truly appropriate partnership, consider a Nicorette Vape Pen™for Daylight hours, alongside a Nicorette Nicotine Humidifier™for while you sleep. 

Blind Faith Moron award of the week, with thanks to our official Flatpack Furniture Partner IKEA™, goes to Cockbeard and his Dean Court Dream Team. Like an affordable IKEA computer desk with slidable cubby™, it looked well made and surprisingly practical. However, having Brighton's one-season wonder Caleb Wilson as captain was surely the height of fanboyish folly, belying a preference to cheap eBay knock-off furniture which couldn't hold a candle to an IKEA 3-in-1 clothes cupboard™ / temporary shelving unit™ / Narnia access point™. 

The Sportwashing Award of the Week, sponsored by the MODERN AND KIND NOT-AT-ALL AUTHORITARIAN STATE OF TURKMENISTAN, goes to Calvinball, whose team features 8 members owned by or sponsored by groups / companies looking to clean their human rights violating reputation through the cynical method of footballing loyalty and popularity bring their unique culture to the metropolitan Premier League. Truly a beacon for the ages, Calvinball somehow failed to rake in the big points, scoring a respectable, but not quite good enough, 76 points. 

Tune in next week, when someone else does a round-up, sponsored by our Official Next Week Round-up Partner Vagi-seal™.

Thanking Ye.

And seriously, I know how hard it is to do updates for these threads - especially when life gets in the way. Had the same issue with the original guess thread, which krs kindly took over. 

So, hopefully someone else could take the baton and do the update next week. Basically, if you have the time and inclination, do a short update and keep the thread bumped.

I'm doing quite good. Why did I pick Los celsos

Diluted Dante wrote:

...I only wanted one because I'm top ...

As soon as I saw the standings I knew that was the case. Considered leaving you out entirely as a result. But, you know...it's you.

Its a good idea of Cinty's that if anyone wants to jump in go for it. We are all busy people.

Yeah.
First match of Gameweek 2 is Arsenal vs Burnley at 12:30 on Saturday.
It runs until Monday night when Wolves host Man Utd.

Transfer deadline is Saturday 17th August 11:30.

Be sure to do all transfers by then.

Not too many fixtures of note this week but some talking points.

Arsenal vs Burnley
Ozil and Kolasinac missed Gameweek 1 for Arsenal. You would be mad to have them but they will likely be back unless they are targeted by criminals again between now and Saturday lunch time..


Southampton vs Liverpool
Liverpool will be pumped after winning the Super Cup last night but at the same time they put in a 120 minute shift.
Even tired legs should see them past Southampton, the question is if Klopp looks to rest some of the bigger names. Could be some captain options to think about.

Allison is out for Liverpool for a few weeks but Adrian showed himself to be more than good enough to see off Chelsea. Not only keeping his cool during the penalty shootout but also making some brilliant saves in regular play.

The Ox is back. After missing most of last season he is a talented prospect at a good price. Will he start though?

Man City vs Spurs
The biggest match of the week, I would expect a lot of goals in this one but who to Pick? Pep looks to be rotating players through his ill gotten squad. Not only rotating by match but also utilising subs. Last match he replaced Jesus with Aguero after 60 minutes.
Is it a good idea to have the big money City players?

Chelsea vs Leicester
Like Liverpool Chelsea also played for 120 minutes on Wednesday night, but without being lifted from winning a cup.
With a smaller squad that lacks experience Chelsea could struggle. That being said Kante was back in the Chelsea side and looked strong. Willian, another experienced Chelsea player was back from injury and on the bench. Could he start against Leicester? If so he has the potential to pick up points at a reasonable price point.

Adrian may not be fit for Liverpool, meaning Andy Lonergan, he of a decade of service to Preston North End might be between the sticks

Dammit, I didn’t swap out Alisson.

My plan was to bring in Mings and Ritchie, but missed the deadline this morning. Also in what world is Ritchie a forward??

Is he listed as a defender?? Wowsers, I'll definitely bring him in next week then. He has been playing as wing back a lot but that's a bit if a coup, corners and set pieces surely good for a dozen assists and 8 goals