16. Splatoon 2: Octo Expansion (Switch)

I think Splatoon MP is very solid but I hate it (except the roller which is immense). Despite much of this being very decent, it’s averages out at arse. There’s one big reason - the range on the guns. They’re aren’t powerful and they feel pathetic to shoot with but that’s not as key as the range. Most of this game is shooting stuff that’s floating in the air and you can’t reach, and you’ve got to get close enough to hit it. But it’s not enough to be on the right platform with the enemy dead in your sights, you’ve got to be right on the edge of the platform, toes hanging off, while avoiding incoming fire, and probably on some time limit, and the platform is a grate so when you need to refill on ink somewhere else but you’ve now got to find cover that isn’t drenched in enemy ink, then back to the edge of the platform, but now the enemies have rotated around to some other side and now you’ve got to wait. But now you’re not close enough to the edge so get closer. Oh they’ve gone again. Fucking great fun. 

A lot of it doesn’t have guns, but can still be a grind. There’s one level where you have to smash all the crates on a timer and you’ve got to go round the course with an ink brush. The last crate is armoured so it takes a fair amount of ink to get it. But there’s no time to fill up and there’s one bit in the middle where you have to leather the ink out because you’re on rails and if you miss one of the crates you can’t go back. I reached the end first time but just a second off the pace or I need to fill up or something so it’s do the thing all over again, trying to shave off milliseconds or save a drop of ink here or there. So it took me 10-15 goes trying to do something that is piss easy but just set on an overly onerous time limit. Which isn't the sort of challenge I'm looking for. 

I should say most of this happens on the stations where you can change lines, the levels that open up new levels and cost more to try and are more of a pain in the arse to complete. Most of the normal station levels are fine. Some it is great fun. Plenty of that inventive, varied, compelling gameplay your expect from top-tier Nintendo, but whoops you’ve got a shit load out. 

Splatoon needs someone with some balls to go into the code and stick an extra zero on the values of certain variables. Range on weapons, power / ink output, running speed, movement speed while aiming with some weapons, knock a second off ink refilling, make the ink last an extra few seconds of shooting. Stick the enemy health up as well if you want to balance it, just let me feel like I’m shooting something. Then they’ve got a great game. I'd buy that DLC. 
[67%]

Yeah I'd heard good things. I was ready to like it. It's good in many ways. Just hate them guns.

Windjammers (Switch) 8/10

This is a lovely little arcade game about a made up 1990's extreme sport.  The sort of thing that might be on an episode on Baywatch where CJ Parker gets roped into a game against special guest star John Stamos.  It is a Neo Geo thing so it has those nice detailed sprites and they're all appropriately bright and colourful; everyone is in their pastel leotards with those angular 90's sunglasses and they play on the beach.  It's refereed exclusively by bikini babes.

The game itself is pretty much air hockey with extreme frisbees and that's not such a bad thing.  Games are nice and brisk and (at least on medium difficulty) don't feel cheap.  There's not much meat on the bone but the arcade mode is good for a half hour blast and you get a couple of mini games to break up the action, as well as different courts with unique walls and scoring areas.  I imagine you can get quite good at it.

I've always fancied Windjammers, it looks like a proper same room 1v1 game, but I think I'll wait for the sequel now.  

Also Monkey fwiw you've listed your last two games as #15.

SNES at its best. 

Best console.

I've never been convinced by them. Competent but mechanical. Fun but not inspiring. Put them next to SMW or Yoshi's Island and the gulf in ingenuity is obvious.

I played DKC2 not that long ago. Enjoyed it then got bored of it after a few areas.

Yeah, but no one gives Bourbons 95%.

Yeah they’re fine on their own. But pale in comparison to Nintendo’s titles. It’s why I didn’t like them at the time but can appreciate them more now.

Dynamite Headdy is probably the only Sega platformer in with a real shout of the top 3.

SMW, YI, DKC2, Dynamite Headdy and (if you ball) Sonic 3 & Knuckles.

Castlevania IV and Rocket Knight Adventures have strong hack 'n slash/shooter leanings but should probably be mentioned.

Plok!

Plok was an over-long samey collect 'em up with average gameplay and good music. Come at me etc.

Aha, but I've only played 23 games worse than Plok in four years.

Moot_Geeza wrote:

Also Monkey fwiw you've listed your last two games as #15.

Ah cheers. Fixed. 

I've started DKC a few times and haven't quite got on with it. It seems too brutal but it's probably better once you get into the rhythm of it.

17. Bonanza Bros (MD)
Last played this a year or two ago but wanted another bash. Hard difficulty this go. Which is the same but you've got less time. Still pretty straightforward as long as you don't hang about. You're given so many lives by default you can sacrifice a couple to get through any tricky bits where you're running out of time. It's still great for a quick razz. Almost timeless. Simple but rock solid fundamentals. 90%

Yep. A banger.